I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
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