So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
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