i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
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