I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
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