I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
Randomize
