I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
Randomize
