My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
Randomize
