i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
Randomize
