I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
Randomize
