Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
If lil wayne asked you to lick him like a lollipop I feel that you would willingly oblige.
Unfortunately I think I would lick most anyone's lollipop.
It's your form of community service; servicing the greater SDSU area.
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
Randomize
