i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
