There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
Randomize
