its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
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