I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
Randomize
