I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
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