If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
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