so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
You're a waste of cheezeits
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
I know her cup size but not her name....
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