you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
Help. Why am I so naked?
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
Randomize
