She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
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