I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
Randomize
