new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
Send help, water and tortillas.
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
Randomize
