I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
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