When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
Randomize
