yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
Randomize
