dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
Randomize
