i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
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