my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
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