im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
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