apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize
