addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
Randomize
