She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
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