Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
as a side note pls kill me
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