I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
Randomize
