Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
Randomize
