I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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