I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
smell my finger.
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
Randomize
