As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
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