I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
That accounts for only three of the penises
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
Randomize
