It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
The best revenge is premature balding
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
Randomize
