You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
Randomize
