Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
Randomize
