I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
Randomize
