??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
Randomize
