So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Randomize
