I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
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