There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
She told me I should be a condom model.
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
Randomize
