That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
Randomize
