I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
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