I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
She has the best kind of daddy issues
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
Randomize
