I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
