yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
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