I can tuck mytits in my pants
well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
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