"it" just moved
i was born a porn star she said
She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
Randomize
