oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
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